Chrissy Teigen revealed why she chose to take photos at the hospital during her pregnancy loss in September in a heartfelt essay.
The Cravings author, 34, wrote about her placenta problems, bleeding issues and eventual loss of her son, Jack, in letter for Medium on Tuesday, October 27. She also detailed why chose to document the birth and heartbreaking goodbye.
“I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was,” she wrote. “I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time.”
The Chrissy’s Court star explained that she knew it was a memory she couldn’t let pass.
“I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story,” she continued.
The model shared the series of black-and-white photos on social media on September 30, announcing the death of her and John Legend’s third child, who was born prematurely after Teigen was hospitalized with pregnancy complications. After posting the images, which showed her grieving after the baby’s birth, Teigen had no regrets.
“I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done,” she wrote. “I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”
The Lip Sync Battle cohost explained that there were pros and cons to sharing the loss with her fans.
“I feel bad our grief was so public because I made the joy so public,” Teigen noted. “I was excited to share our news with the world. Stories leading up to this had been chronicled for all. It’s hard to look at them now. I was so positive it would be OK. I feel bad that I made you all feel bad. I always will.”
The Cravings by Chrissy Teigen designer revealed that the “moments of kindness have been nothing short of beautiful” following her family’s heartbreak. She urged others to share their stories of grief and reminded others to “please be kind to those pouring their hearts out.”
The Utah native, who shares daughter Luna, 4, and son Miles, 2, with the Voice coach, 41, opened up about why she chose to speak out about what she went through at the hospital earlier this month.
“I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so,” she concluded. “Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky.”
The couple announced in August that they were expecting their third child. Teigen accidentally revealed they were having a boy in an Instagram video in September. The Bring the Funny judge was hospitalized the same month due excessive bleeding.
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